As the 2 oldest boys birthdays approach and we look at 7 and 5, my analysis of the boys heightens. SO I decided to get down in writing a few of my thoughts for each boy.
Things I love about each boy and things that I see need some work.
*When I say work by no means am I looking for perfection in my children. Impossible. I am just looking to be consciously aware of my boys flaws, which we all have. I do believe that our greatest flaws can often lead to our greatest strengths when we let others in around us to bring out the beautiful side of them.*
Trey
He possesses an extraordinary ability to make friends with anyone. His whole being is rooted in friendship. He breathes "hello's" with his face and smiles and eyes. When he encounters new people or neighbors out for a walk he can't help but talk with them, let them know what he is up to and ask them what they are up to in return. It is his every thought to have fun and laugh with his friends. He reads books to be able to share ideas and information with his friends. He learns sports to be able to be a part of a team and grow his friendships deeper. When he was 18 months old and we moved into a new house I remember telling my mom that I will soon know everyone on my street thanks to Trey! And sure enough I did. Trey possesses the ability to talk for hours. Give him your attention and he will go and go, changing from this subject or that effortlessly. He recently entered into his new school and the teacher has many times said what a charmer he is and how one could never tell from the outside that he is a new student. It is my absolute favorite thing about Trey! His ability to make friends and turn them into to real friendships.
He has a flaw that is not so uncommon to other members of his family:) His competitive drive is rarely if ever off. There is no 1/2 effort that exists in his mind. He does not turn off the tackle mode with ease during a football game with his younger brothers. He does not turn off his will to beat a 3 yr old at the simplest of card games or board games to see the beauty of letting someone less than you win. In fact if he so happens to lose he will immediately erupt into tears. Another key example of this intensity to win comes when watching a football game with him. He will flip and flop cheering only for the team that is currently winning. We sit there and argue the point to him of picking one team and cheering for them the entire game no matter the loss or victory. It amazes me to see the physical battle going on inside him as he chooses a team at the beginning and struggles to cheer for them the length of the game. There is no doubt that this will be his life long challenge - to desire the best, but not at the loss or hurt of others. He himself is aware of this challenge and is working at it daily with his brothers.
Taatjes
He is the most determined boy! He was the earliest of all 3 boys to walk at 9 months. He has always had a look in his face when he wants to accomplish something of intense focus and concentration. His ability to keep up with Trey at physical activities all comes back to his determination to just do it. He learned to ride a bike with no training wheels in 3 passes down the parking lot! He is the best goalie at soccer and hockey with his tight scrunched face portraying a stop it at all costs look! I was ready for him to cry after his first hockey practice and refuse to go back. He calmly admitted that it was hard but he really wanted to be a hockey player and stick with it. He has not once cried out on the rink during his many falls and hard hits (many other children do)! In fact he hardly cries at all when he is hurt. He puts it quickly behind him so he can get back in and keep going. We are never in doubt if he is really hurt because of this. He is often referred to as my worker. :) He will stay out with me the longest to shovel, rake, garden, whatever the job may be...he just wants to work. He is the boy who always asks to help make dinner or unload the dishwasher. This is my absolute favorite thing about him. He works hard and does not give up easily! He is one determined boy!
The best thing about Taatjes goes hand and hand with the things he needs to work on. His determination can cross the line into a strong will/temper. While his fuse is long, when he reaches the end of it...kaboom, he is done and he lets us know it. It can be seen in 2 ways. 1)When he wants to learn something and it does not come fast enough for him - explosion! Turning into hitting something and grunts of frustration. i.e. He has frequently banged his hockey stick into the ice after a fall (kind of a John McEnroe type). 2) Direct reaction to his brothers taunts and teasing - explosion! Turning into a full body tackle or punch to the back. We are often stunned to see Taatjes have zero control and lash out by punching his brother in the back! It is extremely hard to watch as a parent and not give out extreme punishment - which we do but we are also seeking to address the underlying issue. His will! His communication! Speak boy, speak! Tell someone what is bothering you! This will be his life long struggle. To not just put his head down and expect others to know what he is trying to do. To verbalize his expectations and communicate to others what they are. He is also learning to be aware of his breaking point and communicate this to brothers.
Teague
This is difficult. Teague is 3 right now and I have learned that nearly every 3 yr old is defined by the same traits. Tantrums, single minded, stubborn, are things I find in common with 3 yr olds:) Thus it is a challenge to sift through what I see as phases and find something I truly love about just him (unique from his brothers). I think this is it though - He is extremely goofy and incredibly shy all at the same time. I simply love this combination, let me explain to you why. While at home Teague is our goofiest boy. He runs around crashing into us and furniture yelling "Mayday, Mayday"!!!! We are not surprised when he yells out "poop" or "stinky bottom" while eating dinner to get a laugh from his brothers. Or he will just look at one of them and roll his eyes, scrunch his nose, and pull his lips apart making silly faces for them. A favorite for Taatjes who always cracks up at their appearance! This is his main goal - make my brothers laugh at me:) However, go out in public and this all changes. Most people do not believe me when I tell them he speaks, yells, and laughs at home. He barely looks at another person in public. Many of my friends will celebrate the smallest of looks from Teague in their direction. I can bring him anywhere. Volunteering in the boys class, not a problem with Teague - he won't make a peep. Take him to listen to stories at the Library, not a problem - he won't leave the front of my feet unlike many other children who run around and touch the book and get in the readers face. I have received many a compliment for this behavior. Many other moms say to me, "how did you get him to listen so well and behave so well?" As much as I would love to pat myself on the back with a smug, "I'm just that good.", I tell them the truth; "He is way to afraid to make a move or a sound!" Super, super shy is why! The boy just makes me look good and I love it! This combination is my absolute favorite thing about Teague!
We have a another "know-it-all" on our hands. Trey also posses this temperament. But, Teague's "know-it-all" temperament soars to new levels. He could go for hours arguing "no" to his brothers if he thinks they are doing or saying something the wrong way. He will not back down. If I am able to convince him to yield his position, I will see him minutes later run over to his brother and whisper just one last time "no you're wrong". Unbelievable! Another classic Teague line which is currently something he enjoys saying to his parents often - "See I told you so". This statement is said to one of us during a run back and forth between the 2 of us looking for miss information quest. Which by the way is inevitable. 2 parents equals 2 different ideas many times. Tegaue has recently become a master at divide and conquer. He will find dad up stairs coming home from work and ask something like; "can we have ice cream?". Dad will say "no" because we have not had dinner yet. Then he will run down to the kitchen and find me to ask the same question; "can we have ice cream?". I typically say; "Yes. We can have ice cream if you finish all your dinner". Poof! He is off running back up stairs to deliver his favorite message - "See I told you so! Mom said we can have ice cream!" To see his body do a funny little shimmy as he says these words adds to the complete "know-it-all" look. He loves it. He's thrilled to say it. It is funny now. But, we know it won't be so funny in the future. He will not successfully keep many friends with it, he will not be let in on many conversations between his brothers, he will not be a person you can easily share your thoughts with. This one is more for us as parents. We need to work on it. Be on the same page. Show him through our own actions of listening and not always answering. And simply tell Teague the truth. No, you do not know everything. We're good at that one, we have been saying that to Trey for quite some time now:)
As I read back through what I have written I can't help but think "Yes, I am simply crazy about these boys"! I am immeasurably thankful that God has gifted them to us. I am thankful for the things I love and the things we need to work on! The gift is in each one!
