Getting Into the Hard Stuff

Today when I picked Trey up from school his teacher had to talk to me. Yes insert a large lump in my throat and the instant feeling of needing my gal bladder removed! When she has good things to tell you she usual writes these things to you in a beautiful email. When she takes her time at the end of her very long day to "talk" to you it only means one thing, your child has had a color change! Alright, I'm ready to listen. After all this is the biggest part of the "job" right? Right. It is the part of the "job" that is nerve wrecking and heart breaking and at the same time character building and humility seeking.
So there it was the dreaded color change and I needed and wanted to hear about it.

His teacher began to tell me 2 incidents that happened with Trey during school. The first, came about because Trey gave some answers to a few kids sitting at his table. This is not allowed and he knows this. The second, and the one that was extremely hard to hear, Trey was involved in a group of kids who "telephoned" to another child that he was "a nerd". This boy ended up crying and was of course very hurt! I almost started crying right in front of his teacher. My heart sank to hear about my son harming and hurting another in this cruel way. What, why, how could he,is all I could think. I reassured his teacher that I would be talking to Trey and taking measures to ensure that this will not happen again. Give me a moment here...I know this will happen again, and again, and again, but I have to believe that I can take Trey to a place where he chooses to not be a part of things that harm others. I want him to be a person who brings love, and fun, and words that make friends feel good about themselves. Phew, it's going to be a journey.
This is the part of life where we are "getting to the hard stuff". Trey and I did have a very long talk. We both shed tears! Trey does see that he hurt someone and made them sad. He now has to work through the consequences of a color change at school too. He will be writing two letters tonight.
One, he has to say that he is sorry to his teacher. For "cheating and not following the rules". There is no giving answers. He has to be able to communicate to her in this letter that he wants to be a student she can trust and follows the rules.
Two, he has to say sorry to his classmate. He has to write out why he is sorry and tell him that he is sad he made them sad. He also has to write out a few things he really likes about this child. And in his own child like way he asked if we could buy the child jolly ranchers because they are a favorite.
And, my own humility being put to the test. I will be walking him into his class tomorrow to watch and ensure these letters get delivered and he apologizes with his words as well.

(Deep sigh) This is rough. My heart is so very heavy thinking of the child whose heart was broken today. Who had to go to his teacher in tears. Who will be going home to his own family in tears. Tomorrow is a new day though and a chance for Trey to attempt to repair some of the hurt he did. He too has been crying knowing that he has hurt someone and understanding how hurt he would feel if he was the recipient of his own message. He also came to the conclusion that next time he would not pass along a mean message, rather, he would take a stand and say that he does not want to speak words to someone that will hurt them. Let the refining work begin.